Learning experience

One of the things I would say I have learned in Malawi so far is definitely one of the most endearing human qualities. I have learned how to share. I would have to say that is one of the toughest things to do, especially when you're not one who isn't used to sharing. Often in Canada, everyone has their own things. We have our own camera, or mp3 player, or radio recorder, computer and even food. Here, not everyone is so lucky. In Canada, I would say I was somewhat generous. But here each and everyday my friends are pushing me beyond my levels of comfort and understanding of how things work. Here, sometimes people don't have money to buy food or take the mini-bus: Kwachas don't go as far as Canadian dollars. And rather than seeing one of your friends keel over as a result of starvation you decide to share your food instead. In canada, most times I wouldn't think twice of sharing a plate of food. Rather I would expect them to buy their own. I mean after all a plate of food in Canada can be bought at as cheap as 5$ which is almost 700Kwacha in Malawi. Here life isn't quite so simple. For me buying a bag of chips for 100K or 75 USD is no big deal. I do it at home all the time. Here it's too much money. so instead of me happily enjoying the bag by myself while others watch, I choose even if it's reluctantly to hand over some chips to others. Each and everytime I do it, it gets easier. And it really gets easier when someone who isn't as privileged as you asks you to come and share a plate of food with them. Although they know that I might have more, they still give what they have. It really puts you in your place and makes you see how selfish you are. Seeing this spirit of generosity is inspiring. No matter what their situation is, if one Malawian has something and another doesn't they always share what they do have. And no matter how little that is, the person is always happy with the gesture. After all, don't we always say it's the thought that counts. And what about the saying it's better to give than receive. But really how many people in North America have truly internalized this idea of truly giving but not expecting anything in return. Not many. Definitely not myself. We always expect some form of payback in the end. And really, telling someone well although you bought me a $300 birthday gift, I'm sorry I only had $50 dollars for yours won't work. Telling them, "hey,it's the thought that counts." ha try that and see what happes. Most likely you'll have one less friend. But in Malawi because many people don't have much passing on a worn skirt or shoes is just as much appreciated as a $300 ipod. I admire my friends for that quality. It's impressive. I hope that it will rub off on me because even if I don't go home with curios, African clothing, and other souvenirs, if I come back as a more generous person that's a gift that will last a lifetime and benefit my family and friends and even strangers. I look forward to home a better person than the one that stepped off the plane in Lilongwe.

CHALLENGES ARE NUMEROUS FOR YOUNG GIRLS AND WOMEN IN MALAWI

I’ve been surprised by the number of articles that appear in the daily newspapers with the headlines, ‘Man defiles 2-year-old girl; 37-year-old teacher defiles 11-year old orphan, or 30-year-old man defiles 15-year-old epileptic girl.” And the list goes on and on. But the latest headline that really prompted me to write about this issue of defilement appeared in the Daily Times. The article talked about a 30-year-old HIV positive man defiling his 5-year-old stepdaughter.

I acknowledge that cases of rape or sexual abuse are not just common in Malawi, but in Canada and all over the world as well. In news you hear cases after case of a child being kidnapped, sexually abused, and killed. But the headlines in Malawi seem way too common at least from my perspective. So I decided to ask around to find out more about young girls being defiled or molested as we say in the west.

When I visited a non-governmental organization called the Society for the Advancement of Women (SAW), my suspicions were confirmed.
“Rape is on the increase because of the idea that when an older man rapes a young girl it’s cleansing for an HIV positive man,” said Catherine Munthali, executive director of SAW.

This cleansing belief has to do with the idea that virgins are clean and will help a man get rid of his HIV status. The women who are most at risk are elderly women and young girls, said Munthali.

But when I asked Munthali where this belief came from, she doesn’t have an answer. She suspects the belief didn’t emerge from a specific culture but that it has more to do with the power relations in Malawi than anything else—possibly a way of keeping women in check so that patriarchy can continue.

Malawi is a patriarchal society, as are many other societies. But during the dictatorship of Hastings Kamuzu Banda the idea of human rights was non-existent, several human rights organizations told me. It wasn’t until after 1994 when the multiparty democracy was introduced into Malawi that human rights organizations were formed, and Malawi became a signatory onto many international human rights conventions.

Banda was in power for nearly 30 years. When Britain granted Malawi independence in 1958 he assumed the role of Malawi’s first Prime Minister. In 1996, Malawi became a republic and Banda became president. He remained in power until 1994, which is when he lost the presidential election. In 1993 there was a referendum on whether to introduce multiparty democracy. Malawians voted heavily in favour of this new system.

Many Malawians say that Malawi under Banda was safe and stable. People enjoyed relative economic prosperity, and he greatly improved the infrastructure. But under Banda more than 250, 000 Malawians were detained without trial, prisoners were underfed and brutally tortured (although this problem of the prisons still exists today). Political opponents were jailed, if not killed. Criticism of Banda was unacceptable. Censorship of books, films, television, and periodicals occurred. And journalism was not an accepted profession.

For women, subjects surrounding family planning were illegal, so the population tripled under Banda’s regime. The concept of marital rape wasn’t considered. And cases of property grabbing were common and accepted. This means that when the husband dies, his family comes and collects all of the man’s belongings because when a woman marries a man the property automatically belongs to the man.

A friend of mine told me about his own family’s experience in the early 90’s. After the death of his father, his father’s relatives came and took everything. If his father had paid a dowry to his mother’s family than he would have been taken as well.

According to the Catholic Commission of Justice and Peace, property grabbing is still widely accepted in the northern region of Malawi. This is also a significant infringement on women’s rights, and the notion of property grabbing helps to keep women in the place of second class citizen.

A well-know human rights activist explained to me that the problem with Malawi is that it’s still a young democracy, so it’s taking time for people to know and understand their rights.

“The legacy left by Banda is still lingering in our minds,” said Moses Mkandawire, director of church and society for CCAP Synod of Livingstonia.

For example, under Banda police officers torturing prisoners was accepted. The same police officers that served under Banda are still officers to this day.
He explains these problems as culture shock.

The human rights legislation is there. But the problem is not just about enforcing these laws, but it’s about changing culture, he says.

“We’re learning faster. This time around the constitution recognizes the role of women and protects children. But women have lagged behind because of the patriarchal system,” he said.

Catherine Munthali agrees with Mkandawire about the need to change cultural beliefs. Women need to be sensitized on their rights, she says. Currently many women aren’t aware that they can refuse to have sex with their husbands.
“Women don’t know they have the choice to say no,” said Munthali, “especially at the rural level.”

Under section 24 of Malawi’s constitution women who are married are protected against sexual abuse, harassment and violence. It also states that they are required to maintain property rights.

But creating equality in Malawi means that NGO’s must also get cooperation with the judicial system. At the moment rape, defilement, human trafficking and other forms of violence against women such as mutilation and murder are so widespread.
The judicial system doesn’t defend women’s rights and this makes them defenseless in their home and in larger society.

“Although there are many laws that have been ratified, they are difficult to implement because they are not local. Most judges cannot use international conventions because they don’t know them,” said Munthali.

Malawi is a signatory to the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women.

But often perpetrators of sexual violence get off scot free.
The problem lies with evidence, said Munthali.

Rape cases are often mishandled by the police because of the evidence problem and clinics mishandle the case because rape victims aren’t given special treatment.

In SAW’s case they had evidence that a 13-year-old girl was raped but the police didn’t believe the evidence. In other cases if a girl goes to a clinic she doesn’t receive special care so often evidence is removed and the criminal gets away with the crime, says Munthali.

Another case appeared in this week’s daily times where an 11-year-old girl was defiled in May of this year. In this case the man who defiled the girl was tried as a juvenile, although to be tried as a juvenile the criminal must be under 18-years of age. In reality the suspect was much older than 20. The suspect was released on bail and the case has been closed.

This is just some of the challenges that young girls and women are facing.
And for SAW the fight will continue as they seek to sensitize the public on the effects gender-based violence has on not just women but in the end what it is doing to the stability of the country.

“As an organization we are looking at how to create a coordinated approach to protect women from gender-based violence. People don’t understand the trauma that these girls must deal with afterwards,” said Munthali.

“We want the community to understand that rape is part of gender-based violence.”

ONE SUNDAY AFTERNOON

Last Sunday, my friend and I decided to go to a public park after church. At the park there was a basketball court, netball court and soccer stadium. My friend was interested in practicing his basketball skills. So being the skilled player that I am decided to give him some lessons. I have played basketball for many years. I was on a rep team up until I attended university and I also coached adolescents in basketball. So we proceeded to the basketball court. After playing for an hour or so we saw a group of kids, no older than maybe 10 years old trying to play basketball on the netball court with a deflated netball. So we started playing with these young children. Despite being in tattered clothes and having no shoes on their feet these kids really wanted to play. Just having a real basketball to play with was a luxury for these kids. With our basketball they organized a full court gam. I told my friend he should get these kids to teach him as they definitely knew the rules, and he did not, and being that my English is different from his my instructions at times weren’t all that helpful. But these kids would definitely have been amazing coaches. Later on, my friend asked the kids how they learned to play basketball and they said that they learned by watching the older boys play. I was shocked that these kids learned the rules and learned how to shoot and dribble just by observing others playing as they didn’t really have a ball to practice with. Me I learned to play basketball by having someone teach me how to dribble, shoot, and pass. I went to numerous practices for the many years that I played. I don’t know how good I would have been if I had simply learned how to play by just observing. Later while we were sitting watching the children play basketball my friend turned to me and asked if I had brought my camera. I told him no. But I definitely wished I had. We had organized the cutest game of basketball and I couldn’t take any pictures. He proceeded to lecture me on how I should always carry my camera because, he said,

"these are memories that you can’t get back. You’ll want to remember these things so you should always have your camera."

He was right. Although there are times when I am homesick and missing my family, friends and most of all my boyfriend there have also been lots of good times so far. Good times that I have failed to document. Although I hated to admit it this could be my only visit to Malawi. I could end up going back to Canada, getting wrapped up in my own life. You know the excitement of getting back to the big city, seeing old friends and just being home again. I don't like to admit it but I could end up forgetting about the people that I met and became friends with in Malawi. The impact they had in my life. It's strange being in Malawi I feel world's away. I feel like I am living a different life. And when I get back home, my time in Malawi might feel like a dream. I hope that doesn’t happen, but it’s very possible. I hope I am different. I’m sure that’s happened to others who go away to another country, stay for a while, end up going back home and forgetting about the people they left behind. And I knew that’s what my friend meant in way. That when I am gone I could end up forgetting about everyone that I met here and everything that happened here. He’s right. I can't predict the future but these are memories that if I don’t document them either by writing them down or taking pictures they could be lost forever. And I don't want that to happend.

In any case, We finished the day off by giving the children some ground nuts that my friend had roasted at my house. On our way home we stopped at a bar and bought pork and steak and chips (French fries). All in all a game of basketball, watching kids play, and some pork and chips made this day one of the best days I have had so far in Malawi. Plus I made a new friend that day. Now we (my friend and I) share stories about our different life experiences, different backgrounds and childhood experiences. And now I have started making more friends. When I think about it Lilongwe isn’t so bad after all. I’m actually starting to become really fond of this place. Maybe I’m even starting to see it as home.

Maybe.