Graduation

So recently, I've just been extremely busy helping my boss put together a magazine. We really need to get this magazine out for July 25 so we have been working our asses off to get the rest of the content into the magazine. So the other day my mom sent me pictures of my older brothers university graduation. The people who attended were my mom, my aunt, and my younger brother. Sadly, I missed the graduation because I am in Malawi. When I looked at the pictures of course it made me feel awful that I wasn't there to be with my family. Secondly, looking at the pictures made me reminisce about school because that was also my old university. I did a degree in English and another in Journalism. My brother's graduation was for his second degree. He did a degree in Computer Science and Actuary Science. So immediately you can see the difference eh? he he. anyway thirdly looking at the pictures made me really take notice of how fast everyone is growing up. I mean my brother is older than me but in the picture was my younger brother as well. In about a week or so he will have his high school graduation. My God this means I am truly getting old. Between me and him there's a nine year difference and him and my brother 10 years. imagine. that's a huge gap. But in the picture my younger brother looked so grown. It was scary. I swear it was yesterday when he would follow me everywhere. I remember when kris kross was big that was mid 90's or so, I dressed him up in baggy pants and big hats. I mean he was young so of course if his big sister wanted to hang out he would agree. I remember dragging him along to all kinds of movies at the theater. And of course he would love it. Then as I started growing up more. I got friends. Then a boyfriend. The trips to the theater with he and I became fewer and farther between. I regret that. Now looking at the pictures I realized I missed so much of his life. I mean I was in university while he was going through those horrible changes in high school. You know puberty and hormones. Those years can be traumatic. I don't know what kind of parental difficulties he had in detail. I don't know much. And these days all I can manage to get from him about his life is a fine. It's typical I know cuz I was the same way but it's sad. I just look back and wish I had really been there for him. In any case, it's a result of the age difference that we really have become strangers and now being in Malawi makes it even more difficult. I think I hate graduations. They just make you reflect on life and they make you feel old. Graduations are a celebration of finishing school but I also think they are a big slap in the face. It's the schools way of saying, "GET OUT, GO TO THE REAL WORLD. YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR THIS PLACE!" Yup I officially hate graduations.

WAPi blog

please visit the WAPi Malawi blog to find out more information on what WAPi is. http://wapimalawi.wordpress.com. I actually decided to go to wordpress because of the layout and features they provide you on the blog. I will soon be changing my blog address to wordpress. I actually prefer it. so soon I will direct you to my new blog but till then keep checking in regularly here. My goal for the next few months is to get caught up with all the work I have to do, start freelancing. I'm aiming to do at least one article. And lastly I want to write a sonnet. That's all for now. peace. A

Love

So me and a friend were talking about Love the other day. We just realize we don't truly understand what it is. I mean we as in people are constantly saying the word i love you all the time. But really what is love? Okay, one friend said the best example is the love of Jesus. Okay but then when it comes to romantic love, how are you suppose to know the difference between real love, obsession, infatuation and lust? I don't know. Another friend said that often when you first meet someone it starts with infatuation and lust and then turns into love. I just don't know. Yes, we can use the example of Jesus, you know self sacrifice as our best example but taking the love Jesus showed us and using it to dissect whether you are in love with a man or a women is extremely difficult. I also took the example of sex and the city, it's the final episode of the series where carey says to her boyfriend that she's looking for love, real love, and then she goes on to describe real love as "ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't live without each other love", but is that even real love. I don't know is real love suppose to be ridiculous, inconvenient and something that you can't live without. is that love or lust? help me out here people.

LAZINESS

So, I know I still haven't told you what WAPi is. Honestly it's because of laziness. WAPi stands for words and pictures. It's a bi-monthly event that is being put on by British Council Malawi, this is a project that I am involved in. But that's all that I'm telling you. It's laziness, that I haven't done more. Like posted pictures or said more about WAPi. My plan is to start a WAPi blog but again...laziness. That's the problem when you get lazy it is so hard to bring yourself out of that rut. I just don't know how to drag myself out. I just feel so exhausted, unmotivated and creative. I think it's cause all my energy went into this event. Then we had it, and now I have no more creative energy left. I knew an energy boost but I dont know what will boost it. Any suggestions?

All's Quiet on the southern front

The results are in and Dr. Bingu Wa Mutharika, leader of the DPP, Democratic Progressive party) is now doing his second term as Malawi's president. He was inaugurated today in Blantyre. I live in Lilongwe so I didn't get to go and see the ceremony. Nor do I have any pictures, yet. But I am trying to get some. It was great to see so many Malawians out voting and then it was even greater to see that Malawians were so peaceful the next day. I mean I was telling someone and laughing about it when we were driving around on the streets the next day that it didn't even seem like there was an election. People were so chill. But Malawians are relatively chill anyway. I mean u had the occasional honking of the horn and wagging of the index finger (a symbol of the DPP party), but that was it. In the west, what we think about when we hear about politics in Africa is corruption, chaos and genocide. I mean we know about places like the Ivory Coast, Rwanda, Somalia, Sudan, DRC, Zim, etc...where you hear about detaining of opposition leaders, killings of political supporters, fighting by rebel leaders or whatever. But while it has happened in many African countries it doesn't happen in all. That's not to say that I necessarily believe Malawi's election weren't without problems. I mean the elections were free, but were they fair? It depends what your definition of fair is. One of the biggest problems is that where political parties get their money from for their campaigns is not questioned. There are no checks and balances. And secondly, the DPP had an incredible media power providing them with only positive coverage. TVM, Malawi's only tv station, and also MBC the radio broadcaster who has incredibly strong signals across the country gave the DPP a huge platform to convince the public why they should be in power. The media is a powerful tool that can always be used to sway people's decisions. Yes, there are private radio stations who provided fair coverage but their signals are not as strong as MBC's so unfortunately those who heard the bias coverage of TVM and MBC didn't have the other radio stations to balance out the messages. Some would consider the use of state media by the DPP is a form of rigging but that's not for me to decide, it's for Malawians to decide. Despite this, what we need to remember is that Malawi became a democracy in 1994. Western democracy is much older than Malawi's. They are still fresh. And I think that as time goes on, Malawians will start to demand more and more from their politicians and their media. Clearly, this election is showing that Malawi's politics is evolving. In this election, people voted based on the issues and ignored regional or tribal divisions as previously was the case. People made decisions based on not which leader came from their area but what each leader could do for them. DPP has done a great job on the economy, the Kwacha is strong, food security has improved, development is occurring and so many other things are happening under the DPP government. Yes, the government has it's problems but what government doesn't. In Canada, we still have not settled the issue with aboriginal people. We have first nations people who are suffering on reserves because of poor health care, lack of employment opportunities, clean water and social support for the family structure. In the United States, issues of racial inequality and systemic racism still persist. There are complaints of media bias in Canada and in the United States. Lack of coverage for Palestinian issues and pro-Israel coverage. So I mean no society is perfect. Without passing judgment on one society or saying how much better our democracy is then theirs lets remember that ours has a few stains as well. I commend Malawi for setting a great example to the rest of Africa. Congratulations to all Malawians for carrying out a peaceful elections!

A quick note

The pics aren't in order. the order was messed up when i uploaded them but because it takes way too long to upload pictures, I am not taking them down and putting them up again. You'll figure it out.

Malawi polling in pictures part 2

Malawi polling in pictures

I took these pictures from a friend. Because I am not Malawian I couldn't get beyond a certain point to take pictures of people voting. It appears that many people are excited about the process of voting. And even for me, someone who can't vote it was an exciting process. Now the most exciting part of all aside from people casting their ballots is finding out who the winner is. In Canada, the process of democracy is less exciting. For us it's something we consider a right. So essentially, we just vote for do we want a conservative or a liberal in power but for us (Canadians) we understand that no matter who we vote for our democracy will still stay the same. But for many Malawians and people in Africa sometimes choosing one leader over another is choosing one form of freedom over another. We take democracy for granted. We treat it as a right. But for many in Africa it's not a right it's a privilege and especially in Malawi it's something that people cherish dearly. I really learnt alot from Malawians as they went to the polls. From now on I think I will vote in every election that I can. I don't think it's right for me to take the democracy we have in Canada for granted. As we have seen in places like Kenya and Zimbabwe, democracy can easily be taken away. In any case, a friend of mine got a monitor to take pictures for them and I sought permission from him to use his pics on my blog. He said it was fine. Here is the Malawian polls in pictures. I would love to reflect on democracy and other things more but it's late here and I have to go to sleep. enjoy!

POLLING DAY

Today Malawians go to the polls to vote. Malawi is a multiparty democracy. The democracy started in 1994 after the peaceful ending of their dictatorship. It's my first time to experience an election in an African country. you know whenever you hear about elections happening in Africa you only hear about it when things go badly. let's hope that Malawi's elections run smoothly and are peaceful. I am gonna spend the day at Zodiak radio station...watching and listening how they cover the elections. In any case, I will be watching. I truly believe Malawi's elections will be peaceful and fair. the people here are amazing and I don't think they would want to see their country erupt into chaos. Everything will work out fine. I'll let you know the results when they come in. There are several parties contesting in the elections but the one's with a shot at winning are DPP, MCP, and UDF these are the three big parties. Currently, UDF has no candidate vying for president instead the Malawi Electoral Commission ruled that former president Bakili Muluzi couldn't stand for another term because he served the maximum term a candidate can serve so he formed a coalition with MCP although the two parties still haven't signed an MOU. DPP is the ruling party hoping to stay in power. DPP has made significant strides in improving the economy, human rights, and education. Although there is more to be done. Let's pray for a good outcome today.

Quarter Life Crisis, poem A

Trapped in a whirlwind
Caught in a daze
Wrapped in a strait jacket
Fighting to escape.

Running from commitment
Hoping for a man
Yearning for a baby
To start down my maternal path.

Searching for tomorrow,
But still living in today
Looking for a miracle,
please God show me the right way.

Quarter Life Crisis

Okay okay. there's one thing i really need to get off my chest. it's all this discussion about the quarter life crisis. I didn't hear about it until I spoke to a friend and when he told me what a quarter life crisis was, honestly, i gave a sigh of relief. finally a term that articulated the changes and confusion i am going through. Yes, I believe I am having a quarter life crisis. For some of you who have no idea what I am talking about essentially a quarter life crisis is basically like a mid-life crisis except well like the term said it happens in your quarter life or in your twenties. For me I can definitely say I am experiencing a quarter life crisis. I mean i packed up my life as I know it and came back to Malawi. It's a scary thing but also something exciting. I just felt I want to have meaning in my life and in my job. I really wanted to be involved in contributing to society in a positive way. And currently in the work I am engaging in in Malawi, I can say I am doing just that. Yes, I may be dealing with a bunch of challenges that if I stayed in Canada I wouldn't have had to deal with but I am also enjoying this new path I've taken...one of uncertainty and discovery. I'll take my experience for what it's worth. A chance to learn about myself and life. It's only a quarter-life crisis. The good thing about this terminology is that eventually it will end and I will be a better person for having experienced it.


Here's some characteristics typical of a quarter life crisis that i pulled off of wikipedia:

* feeling "not good enough" because one can't find a job that is at one's academic/intellectual level
* frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
* confusion of identity
* insecurity regarding the near future
* insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
* insecurity regarding present accomplishments
* re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
* disappointment with one's job
* nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
* tendency to hold stronger opinions
* boredom with social interactions
* loss of closeness to high school and college friends
* financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
* loneliness
* desire to have children
* a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

Out and about

Okay, so I've been a bit absent from the blogosphere because I have been super duper busy. Yes super duper busy. But now I am back. Okay where was I? Besides in my own head contemplating the mysteries of life, love and the pursuit of happiness. I was actually in another city called Blantyre. It's about 4 hours from Lilongwe. It looks more like a city. It has nice buildings. Night life. Different restaurants etc...I was in Blantyre to participate in a human trafficking workshop. I was one of the facilitators. I really love being part of the workshops because I am really into the issue of human trafficking. I just think it is so unfortunate that we have this kind of issue in the 21st century. After doing a human trafficking story myself I really became passionate about doing my part in some way to help in the fight against human trafficking. So yes that's why I went to Blantyre. However while I was in Blantyre I ventured out to a chinese restaurant, then went to a bar. Then...what!...caught a cold. the weather down there was cold. Yes, I know I am from Canada, yes the place with the snow and ice but despite my Canadian blood, I HATE THE COLD! I get cold so easily. man if a little breeze blows across my bare arms I have goosebumps automatically pop up on my arms. I mean seriously there's nothing I can do. So curently I am nursing my illness with lots of tea, bread and sudafed. hey that rhymes. I have included a pic of myself. this was me at the chinese restaurant. Enjoy!

Current Projects

WAPI. May 30. one word. exciting. come back later to find out more.

Response to the last post

So that was my first time ever sharing my poetry to someone or anyone else. Not as scary as I thought it would be. And in any case it now seems like I've turned into one of those people. You know the ones who bear their entire soul in their blog. Man I used to clown these kinds of people. And now I've made my blog into my personal diary. Funny. However, it feels surprisingly good to express my feelings in cyberspace. Till next time.

A million little pieces

I remember the days when we were inseparable.
To the mall, to the park, on the phone, after dark
I remember those days in high school,
Chatting on the SAC steps about how much we meant to each other.
You were my other half. Wherever you went. I followed.
Wherever I went. You followed.
When people were looking for you they called me,
And when people were looking for me, they called you.
What I wouldn’t give to go back to those days,
Hugging and kissing, and loving in our own world.
But then we grew up. Time moved on.
Life got in the way of a bond so strong.
Now there’s nothing left, but sadness and despair.
Now there’s nothing left, and my broken heart is beyond repair.
I wonder, will there ever be another who will touch me deep in my soul?
Will there ever be another to drag me out of this dark hole?
We were suppose to be together forever,
But now it’s all f***** up.

The Problem with the mini buses

So after nine months in Malawi, I can say that the enjoyment of the minibus has finally worn off. Yes, at first I thought it was exciting because it was new and different. When I first rode the mini bus I was like this is great. unlike the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) the mini bus drivers stop and wait for you. Man TTC drivers will see you sprinting for the bus, they know that you're obviously late for work or some appointment and they look you dead in your eyes and drive off. Whereas the mini-bus driver stops where you want them to stop. Yes, if you're walking to the stage, no matter how far away, if the conductor sees you, he stops the bus and then gets the drive to reverse, yes believe it or not Torontonians, reverse the bus to pick you up. Like a TTC driver would ever do that. Also mini-buses go most places and if not there is a matola or u just walk. TTC only goes certain places, it's expensive and if you miss the bus and it's on a route that doesn't have many buses then your screwed. But like I said with mini buses their novelty has worn off for me. I hate when you have to wait like 20 minutes for the bus to fill up. Or if the bus isn't filled when it leaves the stage, the mini bus takes all kinds of different routes to find passengers and this is especially stressful for someone who doesn't speak chichewa because you have no idea what the bus is doing/where it's going because you have no idea what the conductor is saying. I continue waiting and then I always turn to the person next to me, hope they speak english and ask them what the conductor is saying. Honestly when those things happen I am just sitting back and praying that I get to my destination. My newest example of why I am getting annoyed with the minibus has to do with long distance traveling. Today I was traveling home from Mangochi, it's a district in southern Malawi and it's around 4 hours by public transport. I was in Mangochi to do research for a documentary production I am hoping to eventually get funding for. Well, first of all it took me more than five hours to get back home to Lilongwe, which is a district in the central region. So that was annoying. Secondly, most of the minibuses are not made for tall people. Many people in Malawi are short so for someone like me who's 5'8 riding a minibus long distances can be hard. Today, my leg was cramped so badly I honestly thought I was going to die. I lost feeling in my left leg, my left bum cheek fell asleep as well and then my right leg was in a lot of pain. Now what I do admire about the minibus is that the conductors are able to pack so many people and things into the bus. 10 suitcases, a goat, 20 people, chickens, 5 bags of maize...imagine into a tiny 14 seater minibus. I think if the minibus' renovated and made the space between the seats just a bit bigger along with the headroom I would have no problem riding them. But because the ride was so uncomfortable today, once I got off the minibus I immediately hopped into a cab to get home. I think I am going to invest in a bicycle so I can start riding to work rather than dealing with uncomfortable minibus rides. Maybe I can even invest in a motorbike...how cool would that be?

THIS WEEK

This week is really difficult. I feel sad. I really miss home. I really miss my friends. I really miss my cat. I really miss the hugs from my mom. I miss waking up in my sky blue colored room. I miss the late night talks with my mom. I miss being able to ride the subway. I miss the shopping malls. I miss being able to get around the city easily. I miss the concrete jungle. I miss so many things. Somedays I don't even notice that I'm away but the times that it gets difficult being away from home is when I dream I'm home. Then I wake up and realize I am not at home. That's tough. really tough. How do I get through these feelings of loneliness and foreigness? I know eventually these feelings will go as they did before. But I think no matter what and where I travel too I will always miss Canada because that's my home.

Starving Artist part I

So you always here about the starving artist. The artist who can't seem to get a break. Well that's how I have been feeling lately. I am a trained journalist. I decided to go back to Malawi to work with a company but also to pursue my dreams of writing and reporting internationally. Ha! wasn't that a crazy dream or what. At the moment I am trying to get a documentary film off the ground. It's an important human rights film focused on child sex tourism in Malawi. I have never felt so frustrated in my life. Trying to find money to fund this film is extremely difficult especially in the current economic climate. Grants are less available and as a first time filmmaker, I feel a bit discouraged, wondering, who the hell is gonna trust me to make a documentary film? I know I am intelligent and capable of making a documentary but everyone is competing for these big grants. At the moment I am currently struggling with how to remain motivated and positive. I have heard the words no so many times and it can really be downright depressing. But what makes me keep pursuing the funds for this film is the huge impact that I know this film can make. I know the power of media from experience. In August, I pursued a lead I had on a certain human trafficking case between Malawi and Tanzania. It took me months to make contacts, do proper research and planning. Finally the radio documentary was produced and aired in December. I wrote an article on the same case in the newspaper in January 2009. Well, as I continued to follow the case I thought it was over. the police didn't seem to be doing anything I was saddened by the lack of empathy by Malawian authorities. However, in April the men who had been trafficked in 2006 were released and came home in April 2009. When asked what happened to the boys, the families attributed it to the well-publicized story. This is what keeps me persisting. When I remind myself about the last story I did and the difference it made in people's lives and even my life then I become motivated again. But if anyone has any advice for this starving artist, any words of wisdom or anything I would be grateful. On the issue of child sex tourism increasing in Malawi, I don't want to give up on a film like this. But where do I start?

Thanks for the support

I recently conducted a short campaign to try and collect and ship used clothing down to Malawi for street children. While I realize a project like this isn't necessarily sustainable, I just really wanted to do my little part to help. While I was working in Malawi on a CIDA contract, I saw that many children didn't even have shoes or proper clothes to wear. It was quite sad since I am so used to seeing that in North America there's always an abundance of things. I am aware that not everyone has access to these things in the west either. In any case I saw a need and I wanted to do something. whatever little I could do. Well when I started the campaign while I was back home in Toronto I saw that there would be no problem acquiring the clothing. But what would be the difficulty was getting donations to support the cost of shipping to Malawi. This is where cost was incurred most. Shipping to Malawi proved to be incredibly expensive. In the end I was able to raise more than enough money to ship the items to Malawi. The cost for shipping was $600US. Now it's the waiting process. The items will be in Malawi on June 27, 2009. Quite a long way away from when they were shipped, which was april 10. In any case I wrote this long paragraph to say from the bottom of my heart to people who contributed to this very small cause. Thank You. People who don't even know me very well entrusted me with this money just having faith that it would go to what I said it would go to. And it has. the remainder of the money will be used to deal with customs duties. Once again I would just like to say thank you and I will definitely let everyone know when the items arrive in Malawi.

Skype...not so simple in Malawi

So when I left Canada, I tried to encourage as many as my friends as possible to sign up on skype. I told them yeah definitely when I get to Malawi i will find you guys on skype. if only it were that easy. Unfortunately since I've been here I've been subjected to really slow internet, now I can no longer figure out how to get internet on my fancy phone. It's a nice phone that I good friend of mine light me borrow for the year. Except when trying to find accessories for this said phone it's damn near impossible in this country. People pick the phone up in their hand, give me a confused look and say no they don't have accessories for the phone. essentially i am desperately trying to find headphones so i can listen to bbc. Another issue with skyping is the incredible time difference between Malawi and canada. while 6 hours doesn't seem like it's that much of a difference when I am getting ready for bed people in canada are just coming home from work. When it's 6pm in canada, it's 12am here. so just think how difficult it will be for me to stay up till 3 in the morning especially when I need to be at work the next day. In any case, I hope soon, once I can figure out how to connect my phone to the internet then i will hopefully be able to skype whenever I want. Most likely once I get all the kinks figured out, skyping will be reserved for the weekend. But till then I hope everyone can be patient.

PLEASE LET ME APOLOGIZE

So I have to admit that I have been a terrible terrible blogger. Honestly I just became so not that interested in blogging. it's hard to keep up with it. divulge all your personal feelings and challenges into cyberspace. well it's difficult for me. And sometimes I just have a short attention span. In any case I am back on the blog. but look out for shorter blog posts. I dont have time to write out three day diary entries. in any case an update for all you people. I finished my eight month placement with a radio station in Malawi. Now I am back working with an intergovernmental organization and ngo's as well on the side along with being a freelance journalist. My time in Malawi will be for another year. Am excited about what I am doing here. I'm in search of a real life adventure. I hope I find it here. Until next time.